Sleep Training

Dale uttered these two words to an older (childless) couple at church two months ago and they laughed.  They had never heard of such a thing.  Well neither had we people, but contrary to what most assume and what parents wish, babies don't teach themselves how to sleep.  And if yours miraculously did, please exit quietly and don't tell the rest of us because it won't make us admire you, it will make us want to punch you. In the throat. At 2am.

If this seems harsh it's because I am the one wanting to punch the parents of sleeping babies (although I really just want to grovel at their feet and beg them for their secret potion) at 2am while my kid is standing in his crib wailing to be rescued while I'm standing there talking to him like he's an adult. "No sir, we sleep in this house at 2am, we don't cry." 

Let me back up though... I feel like I should preface this "I suck at parenting" post by telling you how the first ten months of his life has progressed.  

As many the entire world knows, we struggled to stay pregnant. We could get pregnant, but we couldn't stay pregnant and that was hard.  It made for a long, emotional road to Brooks.  Once I was able to "stay" pregnant though, pregnancy was pretty fantastic for me.  Aside from the normal heartburn and the fact that I gained the entire body weight of a 1995 5th grader.  (Not a 2014 5th grader, because I've seen those kids and they don't look like we did.  Can you say bra?) I enjoyed being pregnant and for the most part spent months feeling like a kid on Christmas Eve just waiting for D day. 

Delivery day came and it was perfect.  I went in with one goal on my birth plan- GET THIS BABY OUT.  Birth plan success. They put this gooey little ball of love smack on my chest and in within 45 minutes he latched on and nursed like he'd spent the last 9 months practicing on a fake booby in the womb.  Motherhood came totally natural to me.  For the first time in my entire life I felt alive, like I was finally doing exactly what God created me to do. I couldn't care less in those days if I was sleep deprived.  Less sleep meant more time with the baby I had dreamed of my whole life.  The nurses on the floor kept offering to take him so I could get some rest but I refused each time.  I spent those first two nights looking at him, obsessing over his perfection, nursing his teeny tiny belly full, and completely soaking in the full meaning of grace, sacrifice and love.  We brought this tiny little bundle home and continued to live in each moment as he grew little by little.  I couldn't hardly put him down.  We spent those first three months in bed together just learning about each other.  We would play, nurse, nap, and watch endless amounts of Netflix together in those beginning days. At night, he would fall asleep on my chest and I let him stay there.  It was where he belonged in my mind.  He had spent almost ten months in my body, I would let him spend the next six beside or on my body. Dale was completely smitten with him and completely against him sleeping anywhere else than with us.  It was in those moments I learned just how perfect he was for me as I watched him embrace fatherhood.  




Anyways, I say all of that to say this...I totally bombed teaching my baby how to sleep.  When he was 15 days old and I was awake with him at 1am, 3am, and 5am I was so thankful for him that I enjoyed those still nights and thought, I know one day I will miss these.  I just didn't know that I would still be "enjoying" them ten months later.

At 7 months we had finally reached our night waking quota.  I hadn't slept a solid eight hours since before I delivered.  I was spent.  

(Why not give Daddy duty every now and then, you ask? Oh, because I forgot to mention that we were so successful at nursing that Brooks has refused any kind of artificial nipple/pacifier since birth.) 
(You're probably thinking that was another thing I bombed.)
(But I don't.)

So we did the research and decided on a modified version of the big bad cry it out method.  The first night happened by accident.  And by accident I mean I put him in the crib crying because I thought I may actually runaway for the night if I didn't. He cried for 22 minutes.  It was BRUTAL.  I won't sugar coat. It was so bad I actually threatened Dale that if he didn't back away from the door I was going to latch Brooks onto his nipple for the duration of the night and lock myself in the spare bedroom.

Night #2, he cried for 3 minutes. 
Night #3, 30 seconds.
Night #4, no tears.

On these nights he would sleep 7pm-4/5am. Nurse. Back to sleep until 6:30/7am. HALLELUJAH! We did it!  Holy crap. We waited 7 months to do this? We are such first time parents. Total rookie mistake.
 
And it lasted for, eh, a month? And then came teeth.  And then came sitting up in crib. And saved the best for last.... standing in the crib!  All of these things allowed me to offer an excuse for him.  I wasn't going to expect him to sleep through teething pain so we've allowed all of the sleep crutches to slide back in.  

Which brings us to now. June 2014. Brooks is closing in on ONE and I still have yet to sleep a solid 8 hours.  Alas, here we are sleep training again.  Night #1 was good, Night #2 was bad. Tonight is Night #3.  It's a totally different ball game with a baby who can stand.  So no more crying.  Now it is coercing him to stay on his back, with his puppy dog in hand, and a thunderstorm in the background.  

 Three things sleep training has taught me that you need to know:

1. DO NOT ask new parents if their baby is sleeping through the night.  The AAP considers sleeping through the night a 6 hour stretch. I don't know about you, but 2am is not morning in my house. So a baby who sleeps 8-2, is not REALLY sleeping through the night. New parents feel like a sleeping baby is a badge of honor and therefore may actually lie to you and say their baby is sleeping through the night so you think they're a good parent.  True story, I read that in a Parenting magazine.  By that standard, I am a bad parent. Oh well.

2. DO NOT tell a breastfeeding family that they should feed their baby formula, baby cereal, or solid foods so their child will sleep through the night.  This is false information.  Brooks has been eating three solid meals a day of regular non-pureed food for 2 months now plus nursing on demand.  He is FULL, and still will not sleep 12 solid hours like "the internet" says he should.

3. DO NOT offer stories of all of the wonderful parents you know whose baby has been sleeping in their own bed, for 12+ hours, since coming home from the hospital.  This story is crap anyways and that family is lying to you.  Ok, I kid.  That story may be true. If they're buying stock in Benadryl.  Regardless, sharing other people's success stories is not encouragement.

What I've learned about pregnancy, childbirth, a raising a baby is this... everyone struggles somewhere.  Some can't get pregnant, some have horrendous deliveries, some have nursing struggles, some have sleep struggles.  We all struggle somewhere.  If we could encourage each other based on our own strengths I think we could really help each other.  So next time you see a new Mom struggling, be an encourager to her...don't antagonize her. She may be sleep deprived and since she can't shake her baby, she may shake you.